In the woods... alone

D, Thanks for sharing your experience.

In the woods… alone
So at last I am on a vision quest, or something like this.
Trying to get rid of taboos and sins, trying to connect again with the spirit and nature and
hoping to get a new name as a compass for the next steps in my life.
I was rather excited the days before; it was something I had never done, camping in the woods.
When we went to our mountain by cars, the difficulties started. All my negativity that I have
collected over the years, broke through, and when we came closer, I was already done with myself and my life. Nothing learned, nothing accomplished, with the same garbage over and over again.
As I read afterwards in a book about the vision quests of American Indians, this is the
suitable attitude to get answers from the spirit. The seeker has to be in miserable conditions,
humble to get a vision.
The time we found the place where we would spend the next 5 days, I only wanted to be alone, as far as possible from the others of the group. To hide in the deep forest and not come out again. The place I found for my tent was perfect for this, surrounded and protected from big pine and chestnut trees, with a very old one next to my place, with a very big tree hole open like a mouth that shouts like the person on Eduard Munch’s “The scream”.
Or like a womb of the mother that protects me and has space for every complaint and sorrow I would bring to her…
I spoke with the place, with the trees and plants, trying to introduce myself, but they remained still. No birds, no sounds…
Putting my tent was difficult, although we had bought the simplest tents. The ground was not even and I tried to put some branches so that I could sleep somehow.
I found some ties in the bag, as soon as I tried to take one of the bundles, they all got tied together and I had not much patience any more.
At last, the tent stood and I got in to be alone, alone, alone.
I put a kind of fence around the area of my tent, even a trap out of small dry branches, that if anybody came near I would hear it before he would reach the tent.
Only to go to the toilet, I would allow myself to leave the fenced area.
I don’t remember the nights to be too spooky. It was not more difficult than to sleep in my house with the windows open. The thing I fear when I am alone in nature is only the man, the most carnivore animal of all the animals. But no one came, all the 5 days long. I heard some bells of sheep nearer or farer, but my place was so hidden, that even the sheep didn’t find me.
I slept, woke up, tried to meditate and my negative emotions tore me apart, not leaving one space in my mind which was calm. When they got to destructive, I slept again. Then, I woke up from some small noises that could not be of a human, so I didn’t fear too much.
Of course, I didn’t dare to go out in the dark, preferring to stay in the safety of my little nest.
The next day, somebody of the group came to take me to our meeting for the beginning of the isolation period. All the others where already at the centre place and I felt very much outsider. I was to prepare the small fire in the jar, and I objected so much to the idea, to light a fire in the wood, as an offer for the woods, crazy: to light a fire, that is able to destroy the trees, to make an offer to the spirits of the woods. That is something totally perverse for me.
I was so glad when I could go back to my tent, alone again with my torturing thoughts, but alone.
Also the second day passed like the first, sleeping, with the thoughts running for and back through my mind. I decided to start recapitulation of all the man of my life, of all that monsters in my life that wanted to change me, for whom I never was enough, who always wanted something of me and to whom I always refused and who all abandoned me each time.
Each of that shadows of my memory I gave a symbolic burry at the roots of the big mother tree.
After I had remembered some of the men in my life, my mind got calmer at last.
There were many dreams I can’t recall…
The second night I listened to the most beautiful music from far away, a women’s voice, it was real balsam on my soul, water in the desert of my mind and I was so thankful for this!
The third day I decided (or better: I heard myself saying to myself) that I’m alive and this is the only thing that is really important.
The mosquitoes were waiting for me outside the tent, trying to put their sting inside from the net and I laughed with their hopeless trials.
When I went the path for the ‘bathroom’, I wandered, if the broken leaves where from me, if I really had been so careless not to watch out with my steps. Or perhaps somebody else had been here before?
In the night, I heard some sounds under my tent, trying to make a hole in the bottom. It sounded like 2 mice and I made a sudden sound that they go away. Also I hung the sack with the food in the centre of the tent, so that it would not smell. Later I suddenly recognized that I had not made any offer for the animals of the wood and promised to put some of my food the next morning.
The next day I put a small place for offering some nuts for the animals that had visited me the night before. All the day the nuts stayed there and I felt sad, rejected from the spirits of the forest. Then, after the next night, my first concern was the nuts, and… they had gone without any trace!!! I thanked the spirits of the wood and from that moment I felt that I was a part of it. Now there where much more sounds in the woods, it seemed that the birds had got used to see my UFO-like house.
In the middle of the night, the wind woke me up. It was coming from all sides, and I got frightened. Suddenly I left myself to go with the wind, to let the wind blow through me and take me with it and it was an most ecstatic feeling: One wind came from the left, then one from the right, they met at my tent and in the middle of it was the ‘zip’ of a bird or insect. It was a so beautiful symphony, just played for me…Once again I felt that the wind is living.
The next day came to me a new name… suddenly it was in my mind and I started to play with it, it
Was so amazing fitting… It enclosed everything in it; the freedom of choice, the woods, and the ability to find a way out of the maze… it was perfect for me on my way.
The big tree was covered from one side with a green, very soft plant and every day I touched it with my hands. I discovered a small plant climbing up the tree, holding itself with small air roots. It had many small leaves, each of them in a different shade of green and each of them putting itself to the sun. Each of them had enough space to be in the sun… It was like a painting, so beautiful that I watched it for a lot of time…
The spirit, but where was the spirit? No spirit, no answers of the spirit, not existing, the same as the god of my children’s years, that never gave an answer… God does not exist, the spirit does not exist, everything is nonsense, love does not exist…
The last day I had enough of sesame bars and nuts and I wanted to be prepared to stay another day, if nobody would come to take me. But it was earlier than I thought and I felt somehow shame and uncomfortably to face the people again that I had so much rejected during the days before. But I felt somehow empty and didn’t give in the thoughts that wanted to start again. I had surrendered and the thoughts went by like the wind…
I went back to my spot to say goodbye and thank you. I packed my things, tried to leave the
place as I had found it, wiped away my traces…
I said thank you to the mice, thank you to the mother tree, thanks to every living being and the trees and plants for letting me be there for these 5 days. And…
Suddenly I heard the answer inside me: You can come back here whenever you feel to, it was nice to have you here…

After some days, we went again to take the second group. I went back to my place, in almost the same condition like the first time. As soon as I sat down on the roots of the big mother tree, my feelings calmed and my mood changed in an instant from depressed to completely happy! I asked the spirit to give me a sign, in which direction to go in the future and suddenly I saw a lizard in front of me, looking at me, completely calm without movement. Then, it disappeared in a certain direction.
Suddenly I thought that perhaps the spirit does not talk always with clear words in our minds, but that I can communicate seeing the signs…
My space in the woods is now a space in my heart: I can go there in each moment, whenever I feel that I want to be alone and protected and save…
E.A.W.

Cuatro días y cuatro noches

Cuatro días y cuatro noches
Después de seis meses de preparación para la experiencia de trabajo en la isla de Evia, en Grecia, llegamos a la gran montaña. Paisajes inolvidables. Camino de tierra. El sol desaparecía y pronto sería de noche.
R. sugirió algunos lugares para acampar. Cada uno de nosotros eligió el suyo. Se hizo el llamado y abrí los portales con profundo respeto porque sé la responsabilidad que implica. Pronto respondieron los guardianes invisibles del bosque y los maestros ascendidos a quienes solicitamos su protección y luz.
Si durante el día sudé gracias a los 40 grados de temperatura, en ese momento sentía estar bajo un chorro de agua. Al tercer intento logré armar la tienda de campaña recién adquirida en Eretria, a unos diez metros del borde de una barranca. Profunda. Arbolada. Magnífica. Mantuve la atención en el movimiento de mis manos y en la respiración. El temor a pasar la noche a la intemperie quedó atrás.
Four days and four nights
After six months of preparation for work experience on the island of Evia, in Greece, we reached the great mountain. Landscapes. Dirt track. The sun disappeared and soon would be dark.
R. suggested some campsites. Each of us chose yours. It made the call and opened the gates with great respect because I know the responsibility that entails. Soon the invisible forest guards responded and the ascended masters who seek your protection and light.
If during the day I sweated through the 40 degree heat, at that time was to be under running water. On the third try I managed to assemble the tent recently acquired in Eretria, about ten meters from the edge of a ravine. Deep. Wooded. Magnificent. I kept my attention on the movement of my hands and breathing. The fear to spend the night outdoors was left behind.
Noche 1
Siempre sentí una especial atracción por el viento. Esa noche él manifestó su furia, su poder, su ironía. El eco respondía y se confundía entre los árboles. Abracé mis rodillas y logré dormir. El viento fue una canción de cuna para una mujer ensoñadora. Desde el fondo de la barranca brotaba el sonido de los cencerros. Desperté. Si hay ovejas o vacas, no hay lobos ni osos. Pensé. A pesar del argumento me fue difícil conciliar de nuevo el sueño profundo. Más tarde escuché música, melódica, suave. El viento movía la ventana y en momentos podía ver el exterior: bosque-noche. Bosque sin luz. Música lejana.
En cuanto apareció el sol cambié mi tienda un poco más lejos del barranco y en terreno horizontal y plano. Además desde ahí podía observar la cumbre de la enorme montaña. Distante y a la vez tan cercana como una compañía amorosa. Era el cumpleaños de mi hija. Al recordarlo le envié todo mi amor.
Tenía fruta y agua para el desayuno y la cena. Para la comida almendras, avellanas y nueces, una lata de sardinas y un chocolate que llevé escondido. Las rutinas funcionan como un cinturón de seguridad, logran que el espíritu no se pierda del cuerpo, que la mente mantenga un control sobre la imaginación, por lo tanto, acomodé las cosas dentro de mi tienda color rosa y plata, mi hogar transitorio, un útero protector en la inmensidad verde y ocre. Acomodé el colchón inflable, mullida cama. La comida, el agua y las pocas prendas de vestir.
Night 1I always felt a special attraction in the wind. That night he expressed his anger, his power, his irony. The echo answered and blended into the trees. I hugged my knees and I could sleep. The wind was a lullaby for a dreamy woman. From the bottom of the gully gushing the sound of the bells. I woke up. If there are sheep or cows, there are no wolves or bears. I thought. Despite the argument was difficult to reconcile my deep sleep again. Later I listened to music, melodic, mellow. The wind blew the window and could see out: forest-night. Forest without light. Distant music.
As the sun appeared I changed my tent a bit further away from the ravine and flat, horizontal field. Also from there, I could see the summit of the huge mountain. Distant, at the same time so close as a loving companionship. It was the birthday of my daughter. I sent all my love.
I had fruit and water for breakfast and dinner. For lunch almonds, hazelnuts and walnuts, a tin of sardines and a chocolate that had hidden. The routines work like a safety belt, they make the spirit is not lost from the body, the mind maintains control over the imagination, therefore, put things in my pink and silver tent, my temporary home, a protector uterus into the vast green and ocher forest. Accommodate my inflatable mattress, soft bed. Food, water and few clothes.
En los últimos meses había trabajado con el poder del pensamiento. Voluntad y pensamiento van juntos, deben caminar juntos. Algunas veces la voluntad precede al pensamiento, en otras es el pensamiento el que motiva y pone en acción a la voluntad. Lo constaté en la soledad que se produce al estar en un bosque desconocido. Lejos de mis amores y más cerca que nunca.
Debía trabajar con las vibraciones que produce mi nombre. Lo repetí mentalmente, luego en susurros, después vocalicé en voz alta. Seguí con atención el movimiento de mis labios al pronunciar Eugenia. Cuatro vocales, dos consonantes. Terminaba abriendo completamente la boca y alargando la “a” hasta el último aliento. Mi nombre es de origen griego y significa: “la bien nacida”. Era el nombre de mi abuela paterna a quien no conocí más sin embargo amé. Aún en el presente recibo informaciones acerca de ella, todas magníficas.
La importancia del nombre, el efecto de sus vibraciones, las sensaciones, recuerdos, creencias con las cuales nos conecta. En eso consistía la exploración y después de trabajar en ello decidí conservarlo y tratar en el futuro de acabar con el diminutivo que siempre odié y con el que me conoce la mayoría de la gente.
In recent months I had worked with the power of thought. Will and thinking go together, they must walk together. Sometimes will precedes thought, in others it is the thought that motivates and puts into action the will. I noticed in the loneliness that occurs to be in an unknown forest. Far from my lovely family and closer than ever.
I had to work with the vibrations produced by my name. I repeated it mentally, then whispers, then vocalize loudly. I followed closely the movement of my lips to pronounce Eugenia. Four vowels, two consonants. I ended by fully opening the mouth and then, I extending the vocal: “a" until the last breath. My name is of Greek origin and means "the well born." It was the name of my paternal grandmother whom I never knew, however, I love her. Even in the present I still receive information about her, all superb.
The importance of the name, the effect of its vibrations, sensations, memories, beliefs with which it connect us. That was the exploration. After work with my name´s vibrations and the different emotional connections, I decided keep it, and I will try change the diminutive that always hated and all my friends tell me.
Elegí como mi tótem, en este viaje de introspección, a un enorme tronco de encino. Se distinguía por su brillantez. Un altísimo tronco plateado que se recargaba en un pino. Representaban a dos gigantes, a dos seres dispuestos a vivir en un bosque encantado. Simbolizaba la fortaleza de espíritu que un guerrero debe construir a través del cultivo de la humildad, el desapego, el amor a todo lo que le rodea. Impecabilidad en cada una de las acciones.
Realicé los ejercicios energéticos, medité, caminé por el bosque. Escribí, recordé, entablé un monólogo con voz muy baja. ¿En dónde te encuentras espíritu? Deseaba sentirlo. Necesitaba certeza. La mente científica nublaba mi fe. La fe no me alcanzaba.
Con dos botellas vacías decidí hacer unas campanas para llamar al espíritu. Fue fácil cortarlas por la mitad, lo difícil fue hacer el orificio en la base. Lo intenté con todos los utensilios de mi navaja. La base era similar a mi mente: dura, difícil de perforar aún cuando se tratara de dejar pasar la luz o un hilo conductor hacia el cielo. Cuando al fin terminé mis campanas, las colgué del brazo de un árbol. Para mí ya no eran ramas, se convirtieron en brazos poderosos cargados de vida. Me senté frente a ellas para llamar al espíritu. ¿En dónde estaba el espíritu? ¡Justo en cada momento que había vivido! Las siguientes meditaciones fueron silencios de paz.
I chose as my totem, on this journey of introspection, a huge oak tree. Distinguished by their brilliance. The silvery trunk was leaning in a high tree pine. They represented for me two giants, two people willing to live in an enchanted forest. It symbolized the strength of spirit that a warrior should built through the cultivation of humility, detachment, love to everything around him. Sinlessness in each of the shares.
I made the energetic exercises. I thought, I walked through the forest. Wrote. Remembered. I started with a whispered monologue. Where are you, spirit? I wanted to feel it. I needed certainty. My scientific mind clouded my faith. My faith was not enough.
With two empty bottles I decided to do some bells to call the spirit. It was easy to cut in half, it was harder make the hole in the base. I tried with all the utensils of my knife. The base was similar to my mind: hard, difficult to drill even if the intention was for conect with the sky thru a light or a thread. When I finally finished my bells, I hung on the arm of a tree. For me, these branches became in powerful arms full of life. I sat in front of them to call the spirit. Where was the spirit? Right next to me all the time that I had lived! The following meditations were silences of peace.
A partir de entonces me convertí en bosque, en cielo, en montaña. Tuve la certeza de quién soy y hacia dónde me dirijo. Supe que obedecía a un ser superior. No había nada que buscar, todo estaba a la vista. Debía simplemente comprender lo deparado para mí. Así como los árboles son árboles, la tierra es tierra, el zorro que surgió de la barranca, es zorro. Único es mi camino y las herramientas que me acompañan durante el viaje. Emplearlas o no, caminar o quedarme quieta, esa era mi elección.
Estaba ahí como un ejercicio claro de la voluntad y del pensamiento. Me acompañaban el bosque y la montaña. Al atardecer, pude ver el aura resplandeciente de cada uno de ellos.
Agradecí el respirar, el sentir correr la sangre por mis venas. Agradecí tener una familia hermosa. Agradecí el tener al cielo como techo. A las hormigas, los mosquitos, las avispas como compañía. Agradecí el poder escuchar el canto de las aves, sentir la textura de la tierra. El estar consciente de cada parte de mi cuerpo, de cada músculo, órgano, célula. El percibir el espacio invisible que me rodeaba en cada movimiento lento de mis extremidades al realizar la danza circular.
Since then I became forest, sky, mountain. Was certain of who I was and where I must go. I knew that: I obey to a higher being. There was nothing to find, everything was sight. Simply I have to understand what is destined to me.
Just as the trees are trees, the earth is earth, the fox that emerged from the gully, is fox. Unique is my journey and the tools that accompany me during the trip. Utilize or not, go further or stay in one place: will be my choice.
I was there as a clear exercise of will and thought. Accompanied by the forest and mountains. At dusk, I could see the glowing aura of each of them.
I thanked the spirit because I can breathing, feeling the blood running through my veins. For have a beautiful family. For have the sky as ceiling. The ants, mosquitoes, wasps as a company.
I thanked for the power to hear the birds singing, feel the texture of the soil. Being aware of every part of my body, every muscle, organ, cell. To perceive the invisible space around me, in each every slow movement I made the circle dance.
Noche 2
Durante la noche se agudizan los sentidos, se expande la consciencia. Escuché la flauta de J. El viento esparcía la melodía, el eco de la barranca respondía. Luego la música de arpas y violines. !No hay nada que temer! ¡La naturaleza es un regalo para mí, para el resto de la humanidad! Las emociones surgieron una a una. Los recuerdos, “los pecados”. ¡No merezco lo que tengo y debo pagar con sufrimiento! La masoquista autocompasión tomó el mando por unos minutos, quizás horas. Al estar en la montaña no existía el concepto “tiempo”.
Fue una noche sin mayores sobresaltos, el miedo estuvo ausente a pesar de encontrarme cerca del precipicio como he vivido gran parte de mi vida, como si no mereciera lo que obtuve. ¡Creencias, creencias, creencias! Tan erróneas y reales. Obras de los tiranos que se apoderan de las partes sensibles de nuestra psique.
Night 2
At night, the senses are sharpened, expands consciousness. I heard the J´s flute. The wind spread the melody, the echo of the gully answered. Then: the music of harps and violins. !There is nothing to fear! Nature is a gift to me, for the rest of humanity! The emotions came at a time. The memories, "sins." I do not deserve what I have and I have to pay with suffering! The masochistic self-pity took over for a few minutes, perhaps hours. In the mountains there was no concept "time."
It was a night with no major surprises, the fear was absent despite being close to the precipice as I have lived most of my life, as if I did not deserve what I got. Beliefs, belief, beliefs! So wrong and at the same time so real. Works of tyrants who take over the sensitive parts of our psyche.
Al amanecer me visitó un rebaño de ovejas. Un pastor que apenas logré ver a lo lejos. Rodearon la tienda de P., luego la mía. Caminé después del ritual de aseo. Las instrucciones habían sido claras: no alejarnos de la tienda porque con el trabajo energético que realizábamos cambiábamos nuestro estado de conciencia. ¡Cuándo he seguido instrucciones?...
Al caminar vi la tienda de P., luego la de J., después la de S. Nunca encontré la de R ni la de D. A ellos no los vi. Por supuesto me perdí. Pronto encontré el camino a casa. Como siempre lo hago…
At dawn I visited a herd of sheep. A pastor I could barely see in the distance. They surrounded the P´s tent, after, mine. I walked after my ritual of cleaning . The instructions given by R were clear: don´t walk far away from the tent because we were doing energetic work and our state of consciousness changes. When, I follow instructions? ...
While walking I saw the others tents. I never saw the R and D tents. Of course I got lost. I soon found the way home. As I always do…
Una de las tareas era descubrir si en realidad estaba preparada para morir. Me planteé si estaba preparada para vivir. Vivir y morir, al igual que pensamiento y voluntad, van juntas. El día transcurrió sin tiempo, el sol parecía no caminar. El viento pacífico, rendido. Medité, caminé, realicé los ejercicios de poder, las danzas. Al final de la tarde se reveló ante mis ojos el aura de la gran montaña en tonos rosa y plata. Azul, violeta. Resplandores danzantes. Piquetes de moscos, insectos extraños y por suerte, ningún escorpión.
La naturaleza me rodeaba, yo existía para transformarla. Dos caminos: para mi bienestar o para mi destrucción. Torrente de sensaciones, imágenes. Todas se balanceaban como mis campanas de plástico, con la voluntad de la voluntad. Viento, pensamientos. Caos en orden perfecto. Revisé mis notas. Me sobran días, me faltan noches. Había perdido el tiempo cronológico. Sólo existía mi tiempo. Yo como la continuidad del bosque, de las montañas, de la isla, del continente europeo, del resto de los continentes, del sistema planetario.
Me daba la impresión de ser la única persona en medio de una ciudad de troncos verde-gris a punto de despertar. Por momentos escuchaba el sonido de la flauta, la música. Las meditaciones me parecían muy cortas pero al mirar al cielo el sol me indicaba que habían pasado horas. No sabía si con los ojos cerrados admiraba las imágenes mentales del bosque, o con ojos abiertos observaba mis pensamientos. ¿Con cuál de los sentidos debía escuchar? ¿Mirar?
Comencé a mirar con todos mis sentidos, a escuchar, a oler, a tocar. Envuelta en esa unidad sensible imaginé la luz blanca-violeta-azul-amarilla-naranja-ocre entrar por mi séptimo chakra y salir por el primero, me conectaba con el cielo y con el centro de la tierra.
Entoné las vocalizaciones. Fue magnífico como el eco de mi voz se confundía con las nuevas vocalizaciones hasta completar un canto. Así recibí la oscuridad. El cielo negro repleto de estrellas.
One task was to discover if it really was ready to die. I wondered if he was prepared to live. Living and Dying as thought and will, go together. The day passed without time, the sun seemed to walk. The wind: peaceful surrender. I meditated, I walked, I realized the power exercises, the dances. By late afternoon it was revealed before my eyes, the aura of the great mountain in pink and silver. Blue, violet. Glare dancers. Mosquito bites, strange insects and luckily, no scorpion.
I was sorrounded by the nature, and I exist to transform it. Two ways: to my welfare or for my destruction. Torrente of feelings, images. My plastic bells swayed with the intention of the will. Wind and thoughts. Chaos in perfect order. I checked my notes. I had more days and had missing some nights. I had lost the chronological time. Just "my" time exists. Myself as the continuity of the forest, the mountain, the island, Europe, the others continents, the planetary system.
I seemed to be the only person in the middle of a city made of gray-green trunks ready to awaken. For moments, I heard the sound of flute music. I had the feeling that the meditations were very short, but looking at the sky, the sun´s movement indicated that they had spent hours. I did not know if with my eyes closed admired the mental images of the forest, or with open eyes was watching my thoughts. Which of the senses should listen? Have to see?
I began to look with all my senses: hear, smell, and touch. Wrapped in that unit sensitive, I imagine white-violet light-blue-yellow-orange-ocher enter by my seventh chakra and go out for the first. I had connected with the sky and the center of the earth.
I sang the vocalizations. It was great how the echo of my voice was blended with the new vocalizations to complete a song. Singing I received the dark. A black sky full of stars.
Noche 3
Esa noche no me atreví a salir. Escuché a los animales del bosque caminar alrededor. Ruidos alarmantes, otros conocidos. Descubrí que la ventana de la puerta tenía una cremallera. La cerré y así evité que el viento la levantara dejando al descubierto los secretos del bosque, para los que aún no estaba preparada.
Me despertó una ráfaga de viento que sacudió mi tienda. No sentí miedo, fue pánico. Observé el funcionamiento de mi mente. Primero los pensamientos inventaron toda una serie de seres oscuros los cuales podían estar alrededor de mi tienda, listos para engullirme. Demonios, el hombre sin cabeza, las brujas, los duendes, los voladores. El dolor en el pecho asociado con el infarto. Dejé que fluyeran hasta hacerse insoportables. Mi mente era capaz de destruirme, me quedó claro. Luego introduje pensamientos liberadores, en un principio racionales, luego la repetición de mantras. Inicié el conteo de la respiración. Llevé la situación al extremo de lo cómico, una sátira intensa y comencé a reír ante lo absurdo de mi situación. Poco a poco ángeles y naturaleza, me envolvían para dormir en sus brazos. Minutos después de nuevo aparecían los tiranos, luchaban dentro de mi mente unos con otros en una batalla cruenta. Desde mi observador presencié la batalla. Soñé que gritaba pidiendo auxilio. Le suplicaba a P. pasar la noche en su tienda. Abrí y afuera todo era calma. Los espacios entre las ramas se revelaron como enormes ojos. Miradas compasivas.
Night 3
That night I dared not leave. I heard the forest animals walking around. Some sounds were alarming, acquaintances others. I found that the window had a zipper.
I closed it in order to prevent the wind could open the door-window and will reveal to me the secrets of the forest, for which I was not ready.
I awoke because a gust of wind stirred my tent. I was not afraid, it was panic.
I observed how my mind functioned. The first’s action was characterized by containing all kind of dark invented beings. I thought that they were waiting for me, around my tent, and ready to swallow me. Demons, man without a head, witches, elves, "voladores". The chest pain associated with infarction.
I let it flow until it was unbearable. My mind was able to destroy, it became clear. I let the thoughts flow freely. After a while, rational explanations took the control of my monkey mind. Finally: the repetition of mantras. I started counting the breath. At the end I took the situation as a comedy, as a satire and I started to laugh at the absurdity of my situation. Little by little angels and nature wrapped me in his arms and I could sleep. Minutes later appeared tyrants, they were fighting in my mind in a bloody battle, again. From my observer witnessed, I observed the battle. I dreamed, I was screaming for help. I begged P: "let me spend the night in your tent". I opened my tent: all was in calm. The spaces between the tree´s branches were revealed as an enormous eye. Pitying looks.
A la siguiente mañana yo era ya parte del bosque, no la citadina intrusa. La contemplación substituyó la meditación. Los ejercicios con un palo suplieron los energéticos. Ritmo, movimiento, conteo. Relajación. Tres días sin ver a los demás, sólo por fugaces segundos a P. Mi cuerpo comenzó a resentir la posición, sentada en el piso, de la meditación. ¡Hubiera dado mi botella de agua a cambio de una silla! Los trozos de troncos no eran una buena idea porque en ellos vivían ciudadanos de muchas patas y pocas alas.
Al comer noté que la mitad de las uvas ya estaban descompuestas. Comencé a seleccionar las buenas de las malas como un ejercicio de separar la basura interna de los recursos luminosos. Pensé en mis “pecados” (otra de las tareas en estos días) al arrojarlas lejos, una a una. Terminé con los racimos, buenas y malas fueron un regalo para los animales del bosque. Esa noche las comieron y a la mañana siguiente se habían llevado mis “pecados”, los digerían. Todo es aprovechable, todo sirve a un fin superior, hasta las faltas y las omisiones.
The next morning I was already part of the forest, not the uptown intruder. Contemplation replaced the meditations. The exercises with a stick replaced the energetic exercises. Rhythm, movement, counting. Relaxation. Three days without seeing the others, just for fleeting seconds, I saw P. My body began to resent the position sitting on the floor during the meditations. I would have given my water bottle in exchange for a chair! The pieces of trunks were not a good idea because inside of them, live hundred of citizens of many legs and small wings.
When I was eating I noticed that half of the grapes were already decomposed. I began to select good from bad as an exercise that consists in separate waste of the bright internal resource. I thought of my "sins" (another task these days) and I started to throw away, one by one, the rotted grapes. I ended up with all, good and bad was a gift to the animals of the forest. That night they will ate the grapes and will take my "sins". For the next morning they digest my sins. Everything is good; everything serves a higher purpose, even the mistakes and omissions.
Cada acción se acompañaba de un narrador. Mente narrativa. En medio de ese descubrimiento se me reveló la experiencia como una gran metáfora. Dentro de ella, se contenían otras. Símbolos e imágenes. El crucigrama comenzaba a resolverse por sí mismo. En un ensueño un hombre habló conmigo. El camino es la meta. Idea antigua que en ese momento fue tan clara como una noche con luna. El caminar despierto, consciente de cada sensación y conectada a los diferentes mundos que cohabitan y en algún punto se entrelazan. Escuché: “tan ligera como la pluma de un quetzal o el cuerpo de un colibrí, quisiera me llevaras sobre tu espalda. A cambio de cruzarme el río te ofrezco luz o viento. Montaña o mar. No desprecies las riquezas etéreas. ¿Ves la ciudad? Apaga sus luces corta su oxígeno. Todo lo contenido desaparecerá. ¿Me llevas sobre tu espalda?”
Metáforas guardadas una en la otra como una inmensa Matrushka. Montañas de Evia en las que fueron los desposorios de la diosa Artemisa. Agarrar vuelo a la media noche, dormir durante el día, ver el sol siempre en el mismo lugar, las estrellas desbordadas. Mosquitos, tomates, uvas y una pera. ¡Una silla por favor! Cada vez me era más difícil conservarme quieta al meditar. Hormigas, dos galletas saladas. Partir el viento con el pensamiento. La mente tan clara que podría llevar a la locura.
¡Para que te quiero lucidez sobre mi lomo! La comodidad de la inconsciencia es invaluable. ¡Pero es magnífico estar despierta! Sonidos, imágenes, aromas, texturas. Todas las sensaciones se manifestaban en su máxima expresión.
Each action is accompanied by a narrator. Mind narrative. In the midst of that discovery was revealed to me the experience as a metaphor. Inside it, contained others. Symbols and images. The crossword began to reveal itself. In a dream, a man spoke to me. The journey is the goal. Old idea, but at that moment was as clear as a moonlit night. Walking awake, aware of every sensation and connected to all the different worlds that coexist and intertwine at some point. I heard, "as light as the feather of a quetzal or body of a hummingbird, I want to take me on your back. If you crossing me the river I offer you light or wind. Mountain or sea. Do not despise the ethereal riches. Don´t you see the city? Turn off her lights, cut her oxygen. All content will disappear. Will you take me on your back? "
Metaphors saved one into another, like a huge matrushkas. Mountains of Evia where were the marriage of the goddess Artemis. Take off flight at midnight, sleeping during the day; the sun always in the same place, the stars overwhelmed. Mosquitos, tomatoes, grapes and a pear. A chair please! Each time was more difficult meditate and keep my body quiet. Ants, two crackers. To break off the wind with thought. The mind so clear that it could lead to insanity.
For what, clarity, I want you on my back! The comfort of unconsciousness is invaluable. But it's great to be awake! Sounds, sights, smells, textures. All feelings and sensations are manifested in its fullest expression.
Noche 4 Esa última noche di gracias desde la parte más sensible de mi corazón, por existir y por darme cuenta de ello. Dormí tranquila, abrazada a mis sueños.
A la mañana siguiente meditamos unos en el lugar de los otros. Mi tienda regresó a su estuche. También mi bolsa de dormir. Agradecí a los guardianes del bosque, y a los maestros ascendidos que nos acompañaron en la experiencia. Los portales abiertos debían permanecer así para recibir al segundo grupo. Serían cerrados una semana después.
Intenté traducir el texto en atención a mis “hermanitos” griegos. Perdonen las imprecisiones en el intento. Espero que el resumen de mi experiencia pueda servirle a alguno de mis lectores.
Night 4
From the most sensitive part of my heart I was grateful and I was aware of it. I slept quietly. Clinging to my dreams.
The next morning we meditate in the other people place. My tent returned to its bag. Also, my sleeping bag. I thanked to forest guardians and to the ascended masters who joined us in experience. The portals should remain open in order to receive the second group. Would be closed a week later.
I tried to translate the text for my "brothers" Greeks. I apologies for any inaccuracies in the attempt. I hope that the summary of my experience may help some of my readers.